I always think of stories to write--my mind has this unstoppable tendency to set plots but as I move more into it, I lose everything. It just crumbles. I want to write a story--I guess it's one of my goals in life.

I always dream big. Like for example, after graduation, it's set that I review for the CPA Board Exams but I never saw myself as a practicing accountant nay auditor. Don't get me wrong, studying accountancy isn't completely useless. Actually, it's very useful since I want to work for a multinational company here or better, out of the country.

I want to go away, not in search of a better future because I'm pretty well-off staying here in the Philippines but to be far away as I can get away from people who miscontrue my being who I am. People are just so invasive of other people's lives and they just can't seem to stop talking about it like its some overly-dramatic soap opera. Take PBB and other reality-based TV shows.

People see me as a bad girl--an ungrateful daughter and an angsty rebellious teenager. Truthfully, maybe I am that but I am not only that. I believe I am more than what people see me as. I am more than what people see me as.

When I was young, people, parents and teachers most especially looked up to me. I was the good kid--smart, responsible--the character awardee. A classmate once cried to me and said that her mother scolded her why she couldn't be more like me. It's funny how things take a sudden 180° turn. It never really got into my head--the recognition and the praises. I reiterate the Cheerleader Nation mantra, I'm not cocky, I'm just confident.

Now, here I am. I'm pushing 20. Sure, there are a few things I want to change in the past but that's just wishful thinking. There's nothing I can do about it. Besides, lingering on regrets is not good.

I have made plans for the future. I guess it's a step towards growing up--really growing up this time and not the premature traumatic kind grown-ups expect of you when they tell you the "aweful truth". I am on the road towards becoming the person I want to be, not necessarily the person people expect me to become but that's just it, I'm learning to stop living on other people's expectation and be trapped because of what people might think. And I find every bit of these equally exhilarating.

Yeah! I guess I am finally growing up.

{ book } Hotel Du Lac-Anita Brookner
{ mood } rejuvenated

Ai-Love-Amor | 4 hollered back

Zette Ceniza