Entries for October, 2007
Most of us value truth. Professionals seek to achieve and somehow relate it. No one has ever come close to what truth really means etymologically. It stands for itself. It is what it is. Sometimes, we observe it through other means like sincerity, honesty and good faith. It is said that our culture values truth while denying its possibility. We give it importance without even considering that it exists. But does truth really exist?
I believe that there is truth. As rational beings, we are capable of giving reasons. Reason is a basis for truth and is generally valid for everyone. Of all the questions in the world, the questions starting with ‘how’ and ‘why’ are the most difficult to answer but we finds means to do so. Also, there is truth if what we say relates or can be proven by fact, science, experience, mathematics, religion and philosophy. Through the years, I think we have proven that we are capable of objectivity—that we are not only limited to our own opinions. However, we must consider that even objectivity and generality vary and are not entirely clear-cut ideas. Objectivity and generality also has limits. Everything has its limits.
As we grow and mature (in time), the more we are capable of understanding and reasoning. With this, we can say that our knowledge of truth can grow more. We are capable of achieving truth though not thoroughly, at least partly. We must accept that we can’t totally grasp the essence of ‘truth’. It’s one of those things that revolve around enigma and I guess that is why we are attracted to it because it eludes us, because it’s mysterious.
{ book } Scarlett by Alexandra Ripley
{ show } 1st Shop of Coffee Prince
{ mood } amused
Today is the last day of regular classes and I can't help to feel like singing, What Time Is It? though of course, it's a semestral break instead of a summer break. Next week, we'll have our final exams and I'm off to Basilan for my hiatus of sorts. I think I'll update the blog more often than not.
We had this meditation thingy in our Philo class. I actually felt good after doing it. I didn't doze off which usually happens when we're ask to close our eyes, et cetera, et cetera... Maybe it was because for that short span of time, a simple line became so profound. Buddha said: Every thing is passing. There's no use holding on to things because nothing lasts forever. So we have to enjoy it while it lasts. It's sad but it's the only way to go through life, I believe so.
I somehow misplaced my eyeglasses and so I had to go to school without them. It's crazy, to say the least. I can't live without them. I feel like I'm trapped in some Monet painting. No offense to Monet and all but everything is so blurry and clearly (pun intended), life is more than impression. Life is about the details. I can't see people's faces or anything for that matter unless I'm facing it/them. I need to find those glasses or else I'll feel queasy all the time.
{ show } Eyeshield 21
{ mood } calm
Eureka! Found my eyeglasses. It got stuck on the side of the bed near the wall. Is that right?! Oh, bother!
I'm done with the Math 123 thingy but there's still two assignments to do. Dear me! It's the last week of the first semester and I'm still swamped with homework. I should be studying already. I'm still hoping that I'll get exempted from taking final exams for Religious Studies and Math 123. I'm crossing my fingers! Obligations and Contracts is such a pain. Our teacher gave us this take-home long quiz that I think will take me forever to finish. Math 125 (Calculus) gave me a headache this morning. I slept late trying to figure the solutions to problems I know would be answered by simple clicks in the computer but alas, we have to learn the hard way, don't we?
I already started reading Philo. I have a long way to go. Still, it's a long weekend. I saw Bandila yestereve and they featured Zamboanga City because the Hermosa Festival coincided with Eidil Fitr' (Ramadan), that is today is both Christian and Moslem feast day!
Henry and Al won again. This time against PUP. Hurrah! I missed it but there's always Youtube. Someone will upload it sooner or later.
{ book } The Enduring Questions by Michael D. Moga SJ
{ mood } busy
The semester's over for me since yesterday. Most of my friends still have exams today. Joy!
I really thought I'm free to lounge around doing nothing but my dear old dad gave me work: To do the bank reconciliations for the gas station, starting May to September 2007. Waaah! I'm scared because this is real work and I'm actually going to put what I've learned (There is something.) into practice. God help the gas station! HAHA When I got started, I couldn't understand the bank statements. Lord help me!
Ahye, our resident music guru, sent me another list to download. That could wait. I'm still downloading episodes of Grey's Anatomy Season 4. I'm totally hooked with the show. Speaking of TV shows, we're (several friends and I) crazy about Yakitate! Japan and Eyeshied 21. I love baking but I never thought I would get interested on a show that deals with a sport that is not prominent in the Philippines. I'm talking about American Football which is what Eyeshield 21 is all about. I just love Himura (for his lunacy) and Kurita (for being soooo big and cute!) Watch them!
The pictures are taking forever to load in my Photobucket account. They're of the CMA Days, long overdue but worth uploading so there. I'll try to post them today.
The final examinations for Math 125 (Calculus) and Accounting 240 weren't that good. Hopefully I'll get good grades despite me being unsure of the results of the exams. I don't want to repeat a damn subject anymore. I'm getting tired of it. Our Calculus exam was worse than hell--the epitome of the worst kind of torture possible. I studied quite well but as I read the questions, everything just crumbled. Even the fact that I'm exempted in Religious Studies and Math 123 didn't help a bit. There's nothing left to do but pray and wait for the grades to pop in e-class. The wait is agonizing. I hate this!
{ music } Relax (Take It Easy) by Mika
{ book } nothing... HA!
{ show } Spring Waltz
{ mood } nervous
ADZoo, Fetish | 1 hollered back
I'm not making progress with the Bank Reconciliations at all. When I ask my dad a question, he shouts the answer like it's a stupid question and that somehow I should already know the answer. Damn it! Like I fucking know his shortcuts, it's not even in standard form. Why didn't they do monthly bank reconciliations instead of piling bank statements and records up and do a single reconciliation. I'm really lost with all this shit.
Anyway, I'm still gonna ask him my stupid questions because I'll be damned if I'm stuck with just staring at the monitor not knowing what to do. This is after all my chosen profession. Come to think of it, accountants are not mere bookkeepers. I wonder why my dad isn't using accounting software to make things easier for him. So now, he's rushing me because the BIR deadline is on November 15th. Urgh!
This situation only proves that reconciliations are not easy, whether they be accounting related or not. 
{ mood } confused
I'm not writing anything angst-ridden things this past few weeks even though I have a perfect reason to do so. I guess I'm already fed up of washing my dirty laundry in public even though I do enjoy it. My life is like a ruined Mano Po (2) movie, but a little bit more convoluted and interesting I think. Enough of my dreary life. I'm almost twenty. I guess it's about time to be more serious about life, my life especially.
When everything around you stinks, look at yourself and make sure you don't stink, too. <hushed voice> It's infectious.
I have a sister, as in blood-related and everything. The idea has never sinked in though. I just treat like Nothingness, either (1) I deny having a sister, (2) I accept that I have a sister and be happy about it, (3) I accept that I have a sister and mourn and (4) I accept that I have a sister and get over it. Ugh! That doesn't sound right. Anyways, maybe I'll never even meet her. I hope for all our sakes (her sake, most of all) that we'll never meet. I don't know how to approach the idea. Knowing me, I'll be me (aloof and uncaring). Even though we are alike, we are not. I refuse to be labeled with her. I know it's not your fault but that's just how it is. Welcome to my world!
So much for not writing angst-ridden whatnot. HA!
---
I'm getting a hang of my dad's accounting. It's not going smoothly (I'm still stuck with May.) but I'm okay now.
{ mood } predatory
I had very outrageous and totally fun conversation with Rai on YM. It felt good to actually talk about "that stuff".
I finally finished downloading the first few episodes of Grey's Anatomy. I'll finally get to see it. We do have Star World but my family watches PBB and all other the boring TV shows ABS-CBN is showing every day on primetime. I mean, come on, sometimes they're funny but they're not smart entertainment. I do not mean to diss Filipino shows. Hell, I'm all for it, just give me something worth watching.
My dad finished the May reconciliation. I'm actually doing almost nothing to finish the work up. Anyways, it not like i'm getting paid or anything though he did say something about compensation. I'm just doing this for the heck of it. I'm not expecting anything. I just want time time with the PC, is all.
{ mood } hot
I couldn't believe weekends could be so boring. Why did I leave Zamboanga? At least there, I own the TV. Except for the food (which doesn't ever dissapoint, thanks to Aunt Edna's and Auntie Beng's cooking) and the free internet (which doesn't count much anyway), there's nothing to stay for. Thank God for Raiza. She broke the monotony of the entire break so far. I should've ditched the house for the PC and Raiza. What was I thinking? IM-ing Rai would've been fun--the highlight of my break. Instead, I spent the day sleeping, watching TV when I can and eating like a pig.
It's just that I was expecting something. You know, weekends used to be fun in this house. I could never be more dissapointed. So much has changed. Everyone in the house seems detached from family. Dad has his, well, other family and his beloved roosters. Aunt Edna has her friends and garden. Papang is driving me crazy with his senility. All of us seem to move on with our own lives. "Family" and "household' are only kept because of convention and convenience.
I'm trying to quit work for Dad without saying that I actually am. I've spent a semester of debits and credits. Being stuck with it again is too much already. This is a break, Read: BREAK!
I should've brought a book. (Side Thought: I really should buy that Gabriel Garcia-Marquez complete set of books. It's only P2000 plus you get a free toy. They might even have a discount since it's almost Christmas.) Oh, well, at least something to look forward to.
It's just sad that that something isn't home. I don't know where home is anymore. I know that however broken and dysfunctional it may be, a family is still a family. I told Rai, I have a weird family. In this family, infidelity is tolerated and illegitimacy is a norm. I suck at vocabulary so I don't have any other word for it. We're definitely not normal. What family is, these days? no matter how many times Aunt Edna tells me she doesn't care, I never could believe her. Of course, she cares. I do. At first, I think my Dad though I was okay with the whole set-up being illegitimate too and all. He could never have been more wrong. I couldn't believe he did it all over again. It has nothing to do with morality, church doctrine or what-have-you. It has something to do with being human--sensitive to the people around you, sensitive to people you're supposed to love. I am not and have never been very affectionate with my dad. Maybe, my dad is just seeking affection I never gave him. Maybe, Francine is giving him the affection I never did. Am I to blame for this? Like Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy, I'm trying so hard not to know my sister, to just ignore her existence. But it's hard to ignore someone who has invaded your dad's N95 wallpaper. I'm jealous but not very much. I doubt it will be an easy ride growing up. I've been through hell--being in a position you never want to. The worse is yet to come for her. I know it's a mean thing to say to someone who's supposed to be your blood. It was never our fault anyway but that's what you get. It's part of the package of being Christopher Ceniza's illegitimate child. I thought I was going to be the only one but now, I'm just one of them, one of his illegitimate children. Now, I share the title. I'm not so happy about it. I don't recommend it, never will. Last I heard, my dad is expecting a boy, finally. It's what he always wanted from the very beginning. Someone to carry his name, thanks to R.A. 9255. I guess I was the last one to know. I don't care. I'm not interested anymore. I don't want to have anything to do with them, not if i can help it. Because in my book, I'm not just one of Christopher Ceniza's illegitimate children. I am more than that.
handwritten: 10-21-07, 8:30PM, bedroom
{ music } Pachelbel's Canon in D Major
Ai-Love-Amor | 6 hollered back
DUMBLEDORE'S GAY.
Suddenly, everybody has something to say. I bet the entire Philippine reading population forgot about the Glorietta 2 incident for a minute and said, "What?!" Here's what I have to say. I'm really okay with Dumbledore being gay. Being gay doesn't really mean that someone is less than a man (male). I read someone rant that Rowling sank low because of this outing but hey, she's the writer for crying out loud. Dumbledore's her character. She has the right to do or say whatever she wants with him. Some people said they we're kind of off with the idea because they saw Dumbledore as someone who was highly respected and powerful (omnipotent). Let me ask this, don't gay men have the capacity to be respectable and powerful individuals? What say you?
About the Glorietta 2 incident, I don't think it was really a bombing. Terrorists are smart people and want a grand effect. Take WTC, Pentagon (in the States) and Rizal Day Bombing (in the Philippines).
{ mood } productive
Yesterday was THE day. Thursday was crazy and I wanted crazy for so long that when the day finally came, all I really could do was smile--I was wearing my widest grin yesterday. 
It started last Wednesday. I received SMS from Danni and Jens (both my classmates in Acctg 240). Jen's message said that Ma'am Lavista (our teacher in the subject) told her that nobody passed the final exam; 78 was the highest grade. Danni's text followed minutes later. It was originally sent by Ma'am Lavista saying she wanted to meet us on Thursday morning to discuss our grades before she passes the grade sheet to the CMA. I constantly texted Danni and Jens after that, conceding to Ma'am's idea that we meet. I was really getting nervous and antsy. Since there was no clear reply from either of them and though it was still uncertain that we are really going to meet, I still resolved to go to Zamboanga. I told my dad about it at dinner.
Thursday AM, Isabela: I woke up at six, took a bath and ate breakfast with Dad. He told me that he will give me a ride to the wharf (The trip was at 8AM.), to which I just sighed. I thought, here we go again. Here's a fact: My dad preps up like a girl. It takes him forever to finish taking a bath. He went to his room for his bath at around 7:35AM. Yes, 7:35. At around 7:45, I was at my wit's end. The boat won't leave until 8AM and it will take less than 5 minutes to get to the wharf but then I won't have a seat. Urgh! I gave up. I went to his room and shouted that I'm leaving. He muttered that it wasn't time yet, blah blah blah but I won. I swear if he didn't let me leave ahead, I'd scream and kick the door of the comfort room. So I arrived at the wharf, got myself a ticket (Luckily, there was still an aisle seat available.), seated myself and off we went to Zamboanga. On the way, I received an SMS from Danni saying that Ma'am will meet us at 10AM at the CMA Office. I didn't come to Zamboanga for nothing after all.
Thursday AM, Zamboanga: I arrived in the port of Zamboanga in one piece. The tricycle driver charges me Php40 for a ride from there to Ateneo. Seeing my appalled face, he counter-offers Php30. I gave in though its still more than what I usually pay. I arrive at Ateneo at around 9AM. Since I was an hour early, I started making rounds for my clearance: Finance Office (to get the clearance slip), Book Custodian, Counselling and Guidance Office (ACGO), Library, Office of Student Affairs (OSA), Infirmary then back to Finance. After that, I got my second semester class schedule. It's ugly--I'd rather start early and end early than start late and end late or any other schedule. Since I got nothing else to do after that, I joined Jhoe and Tal in waiting for Ma'am Lavista and our "moment-of-truth" to arrive at the park in front of the CMA Office. I borrowed Tal's iPod then her Brick Game (Tetris) then had an animated chat with Jhoe about Eyeshield 21. While we were chatting, more classmates arrive but I barely noticed them. I even forgot the real reason we were all there for a moment. Eyeshield 21 is just so fun to watch; very entertaining. It was a happy distraction. Ma'am was late. At around 11AM, Danni tells us that Ma'am will meet us at the old high school lobby (now the Campion-Bellarmine Lobby). Ma'am Lavista arrived and everyone was jittery. She showed us our grades in her laptop. At first, I couldn't believe it. I was one of those who got 78 in the final exam. What an achievement! HAHA I passed Acctg 240, I passed! I got 86. Winmark, Lace and Jens passed, too. Hurrah for the Teletubbies! Lace asked for a hug and we jumped all around hugging each other. What a relief that really was!
Thursday PM, Zamboanga: I didn't know that the day was just starting for me. Bob, Pearl and I left the campus together. I parted with them in front of Chowking. I was going eastside to Zamcelco to pay our electric bill. I paid then went back to the pueblo. I had lunch at KFC then went to shop for DVDs. I bought Volume 3 (Episodes 61-88) of Eyeshield 21 and Season 3 (Episodes 1-6) of Prison Break for Aunt Edna. I also browsed some bargain books at Shop-O. I got myself a Black Gulaman at Chowking (They didn't have Nai Cha.) and rode a tricycle to the wharf. I got myself a ticket (A window seat this time. No more aisle seats available.). When I got at the fastcraft, Marion's mom and dad were there. I smiled and said hello. I walked to my seat and saw that it was occupied by a sleeping man. I tried to wake him and tell him to vacate the seat but he just looked at me and went back to sleep. I almost screamed. Wretch! Marion's mom came and hers was the middle seat. I called a fastcraft guy and told him my dilemma. He prompltly followed me and told the man to change to his proper seat. (He has the aisle seat.) The guy from the fastcraft told me I could take his (the guy who took my seat's) seat instead. I took it. I wanted an aisle seat anyway. So we sat and at around 3:40PM, the fastcraft departed. Marion's mom treated me to a can of coke and some chips. I texted Marion that I was with his mom on our way home to Isabela. He replied saying he was with Pupung on the connecting flight from Cebu to Zamboanga earlier that day. I replied joking, "Bolbida gale del maga mareng ara." (So it's homecoming day for gays today.) As we we're heading out, the sun was glaring on the window. I was supposed to sit on the window seat but wretched sleeping guy took that seat. Talk about karma. That's what he gets for taking somebody else's seat instead of your own. Ha! It got so hot and glary that he left the seat. Then the craziest thing happened. We were already meters from Sta. Cruz Island when suddenly the fastcraft slowed down and turned back. We were returning to Zamboanga City. Apparently, the engines were not working properly. I quickly informed my dad about it. I was okay with staying at Zamboanga for the night. I had a place to stay. Thank God we have a house there. But most of the passengers didn't have a place to stay nor clothes to change into. Most passengers just laughed it off, cracking jokes and all. As we were heading back, wretched sleeping guy asked if Marion's mom and I could move to the window and middle seats so he could get the aisle seat because he was constantly getting in and out of his seat and bothering us. We were so miffed! But we kept our cool and took the seats. The sun was setting anyway and I want anything to do with him done and over with pronto. When we got back to the port, they guys from the fastcraft told us to wait and they'll try to fix whatever is wrong and when it's ready, we'll be on our way right away. They finished fixing the fastcraft and we started heading out again at around 5:30PM. It was a long wait. We arrived, finally, at the port of Isabela at 6PM. As I stepped out of the fastcraft, I waited for Marion's mom to come out so that I can say goodbye and thank you and be on my way but guess who came out ahead instead?! Pupung! Yes, Pupung was there inside the fastcraft with us all along. After we said hi and hugged, I went on my way. I walked a short way to the pueblo to catch a decent tricycle since most the the tricycle drivers waiting near the wharf were clones of those in Zamboanga City, read: overpricing bastards. I got myself a tricycle and went home. I change to home clothes and started looking back to the day in ink and paper. Voila! My crazy Zamboanga Thursday.
{ show } Spring Waltz
{ mood } cranky
ADZoo, Fetish, Ai-Love-Amor | 2 hollered back
Saturday afternoon (October 27th), Marion, Clariz, Raihana and I met up. Marion went to our house first since Naning (Raihana) was still busy with her laundry. After chatting about booze and Marion's recent run-in with Pupung, we went to Naning's. Clariz texted me she was here at Basilan and bored so I texted her to come to Naning's, too. When Clariz came, we all went to visit Nouriza. Before that day, Earl texted me that he wated to visit Nouriza and so asked me to come with him. I declined saying I already had an appointment. The appointment was actually the meet-up with Marion and Naning. He doesn't actually know that we all went to visit Nouriza on the same day he asked me to come with him. Why didn't we want Earl with us that day?! Because we just didn't. HA! Don't misinterpret me, I actually told Earl to find another time for us to visit and he said that he didn't have any other vacant time, ergo he was busy blah blah blah. As if he's really busy?! Give me a break!
I loved that day though I have my period and was feeling pretty gory and cautious. I feel like I was dripping blood like an open faucet instead of having a period.
We talked about vaginas (Clariz spent two weeks smearing GROs) and a bunch of other stuff. When friends talk, there's really no direction--we jump from topic to topic continuously. It was fun to chat with old friends. I'm happy to know that though we don't spend that much time together anymore, there's still some aspects of highschool that never really ends.
{ show } Eyeshield 21