Entries for January, 2009
The end of 2008 is probably the best time for me to retrospect. I’ve lived for two decades—a score, a quarter (Cross your fingers!) of my life. So much has happened in all those twenty years and when you think about it, life is just beginning to happen.
Let’s start with friends.
When I started college, I tried to move away from my high school friends. I was bitter and hurt from all the things that happened during our last few months together. I felt that our friendship has started to unravel and like some of the friends I once treasured and thought I couldn’t be without, they will move on and I will find myself a new bunch of friends to hang out with in college (which I did). I still tried to evade them now still thinking along the same line of reasoning as then but I now realize after giving it another try that this is something I would never be able to accomplish. Why?
We have changed a lot that is true. But we have changed a lot TOGETHER. The old friends I have—some of them I’ve known since preschool. We’ve been together all our lives that I can’t picture living my life without them being a part of it. I love them. And every time we have a reunion or a simple get-together, I am reminded of the things that made us bond, that made me love them and hate them and can’t live without them. I’m stuck and I’m glad I am.
Then, my makeshift family.
I’ve been caught up in the tangled web my father made for the last twelve or so years. Thank God that after all those years, I’m finally used to it. After the confrontation my stepmom and I had with him and when I got to tell him how I felt, I was suddenly relieved of my misery. I have no hang ups with him anymore. I cannot change who he is and what he has done and is doing. I’ve got to take him or leave him as he is and since I do not rest well with the idea of being an orphan, I’ve got to stick with my dad. He’s not so bad when he’s not a miser. And he loves me. I know this much is true.
Finally…
Life is the pursuit of happiness and you’ve got to get all
the happiness you could possibly get because life ends too soon. That’s what
I’ve learned. This year has been a happy one and for that I’m grateful.
I’m happy and grateful that…
I’ve met a lot of new friends this year, thanks to the AAO, AtFest
’08 and my friends.
I’ve gotten over a lot of things. I think I can have a love
life now. HAHA
I watched a lot of TV shows, movies and animé to my heart’s content and delight.
I got to bond with my family and friends, old and new.
I’m still a BS Accountancy student despite the fact that my scholarship might be cut off mid-January.
We won at the Cheerdance Competition and somehow I helped in it.
2008 was a pretty good year. I hope 2009 will be better.
My stepmom, stepbrother, the househelp and I went out for dinner at Palmeras for my birthday. My dad didn't come with them. He SMS'ed me a greeting and told me about the dinner. That was it. Needless to say, I was dissapointed yet again. Who would fancy a dinner with someone who used to hate that fact that I was born?! (No offense to my stepmom.) It's my effing birthday for crying out loud and the person who "wanted" me couldn't even be bothered to spare some of his oh-so-precious time. (Way to go, Pa. you did it again!)
END of Mean Reds moment 
Despite that, I was HAPPY on my birthday.
Sometimes, life surprises you with things that will make you realize that the people who appreciate you and make you happy are the only ones who matter--fuck all the rest.
I wish I was or will be able to show them how much I love them and that I will be able to give back the happiness they have graciously given me over the last four years. I am and will always be grateful.
The roses and cake may be gone and the card forgotten in some drawer but I will always treasure the memory of a dark BC206 room... JC singing that mortifying song... Kar, Gen, Bob, JJ and Jego interpreting... 21 cupcakes lit up with candles and the Bears wishing me a happy birthday.
It was, thanks to all of you.
{ show } Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
{ mood } surprised and happy