Entries for March, 2009
The fat lady isn't singing yet.
I have a week of classes left before the final exams and if all goes well, I can finally and officially call myself a SENIOR.
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I just realized that last Tuesday, when we took our Philo final exam was the last time the Bears sat together in a room as a class. I'm already missing them--us together--classes that got us to know each other, classes where loveteams were created, fiction or otherwise, classes where we got to tease and torment Jae2x as much as we wanted (I stand corrected , Che. We did torment Jae2x everywhere. Being in one classroom just made it a lot easier. HAHA), classes that made our friendship grow. It won't be the same without them but I'm quite happy that they're already graduating. They deserve it.
(After four years of grovelling, it is almost over, guys! There's only the CPA Board Exam left to deal with but no pressure. HAHA XD)
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I have a really horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach. I don't know why and what it is about. I really can't put my finger on it. Jealousy? Maybe. Sadness? A little bit. Then maybe it's just the bananas I ate at dinner.
{ book } Fruits Basket Fan Book -Neko-
{ mood } lethargic
I AM JEALOUS.
Jae2x's text message last night and Che's latest blog entry got me into self pity once again. Maybe I really never got over the fact that I'm not graduating this year. It effing hurts. But I have to get over it and look on the bright side or at least find one because honestly, I don't really see anything sunny about what I have, for now.
Nevertheless, bright side or none, I have to make things work. I've forgotten a lot of things that made it possible for me to get to where I was in grade school/high school. I was once (modesty aside) the epitome of excellence in our grade school/high school class and now, I am the class goat. I have to rediscover what I am capable of and actually do it. It's just so infuriating how I've let things go in the past few years. I was never one to settle for anything less than what I could possibly achieve and now here I am scrambbling to get a measly 83. What the hell happened?!
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Che just asked me what it feels like to be 21? She turning 21 tomorrow.
I really don't feel my age. The last time I actually felt like my age was when I was 17. Like what I've said before, everything that happened post-17 to now has been a blur, ergo, my entire college years. I guess I felt like a zombie during that time. Not that I didn't enjoy college. On the contrary, I had a lot of fun. It's just that there are some things that I wish I did a little better because I could have. It's just sad, you know.
{ book } Becasue of Winn-Dixie by Kate Dicamillo
{ mood } pissed
It's as if people are shooting arrows (unintentionally) and each of it finds and goes right through me. Or like a huge anvil just dropped over me out of nowhere just like in those Warner Brothers cartoons. I want to cry but I shouldn't because as they say there's no use crying over spillled milk. But what can I do when it seems like there's nothing, not even a drop of it left? I wish I know how to start over, if that's even remotely possible.
You know what's funny about this whole hurt thing? It's not just because I'm not graduating or that my transcript is hideous. It's really because I'm not graduating with THEM. For the longest time, I shared every thing, every moment with them and I feel a twinge every time I think that I won't be a part of a very important event in their lives and that they won't be in mine. It's the people you're with that makes the moments in your life great. And it feels like I passed out on what could be a really really great moment. It sucks. And I hate that.
{ book } Frindle by Andrew Clements
{ mood } sad
ADZoo, Ai-Love-Amor | 2 hollered back
School's out and I'll be leaving for Isabela tomorrow. How dreary!
But it's just for a week anyway. I just hope we have summer classes because the last thing I need is two months of misogynistic boredom courtesy of you-know-who.
I'm almost done with my Auditing requirement and after that, I'm free!
Ma'am Peña told us to read about 14 chapters for our final exams and I did read or at least skim through our Auditing book. Cabrera, the book's author, really needs to edit her book. It has lots of recurring paragraphs that are a huge waste of time, reading. Imagine reading the same paragraph about three or five times in a chapter. Aargh!
The lady on my side is reeking of Pau de Arco. Phew!